Shotgun Wedding-Touya Style!
by FierySable
Summary: Ohayo! When Syaoran accidentally hits Sakura with a thunderbolt during target practice, one thing leads to another in a series of events that has Touya shoving them towards the wedding altar...with a shotgun!
1. Shotgun Wedding-Touya Style!

Shotgun Wedding

Author's Note: To Mr. Uncle Kracker, my first story was not "fucked up" as you say…THIS story IS!

Lol…This was written late at night when I _should_ have been doing homework, but I actually drank too much coffee (whoa, big surprise there…) and started typing nonsense on the computer. The next morning, I looked at all the jibberish on the page and said, "Hey, I can use this!" *wince* and now you know how I get my…ahem…inspiration…pretty sad isn't it? Well, I get it like this and talking with Beer-butt…(Yebisu Beer) doesn't help much, but…anyway! That is a whole other story…one you _don't_ want to hear about, _trust me._

Warnings: bawdy humor, character bashing (ALL of them) massive OOCness, shotguns, drunkenness, insanity, and a lot of fun! Enjoy!

Thanks to Youjibaracuda and Koyuki Aode for helping me beta this and make some grammar/spelling changes as well as helping me fix some sentences that just did _not_ make sense! And I _still_ maintain that Li Syaoran's eyes can be _amber_ if he wants them to be! : P

Shotgun Wedding…Touya Style!

"Lightning!" Syaoran commanded and obediently, the air rumbled threateningly and a lance of pure energy streaked downwards…and missed its target completely. "Oh my God!"

"SAKURA!!" Tomoyo screamed and dropped her camera, racing towards her friend, "Syaoran, you idiot! This is target practice, not kill-Sakura-day!! Do you see now? _This_ is why we always have you practicing _before_ you go out and capture a card! _You always miss!!_"

"I do _not!_" Syaoran defended crossly as he knelt by Sakura's still form. He gazed worriedly at her as a charred smell wafted up from her blackened clothing and he grimaced. "She's not going to be happy, is she?"

"Oh man, kid, you are _screwed_…she's gonna be pissed at you…" Kero chimed in, crossing his arms and grinning smugly. "She's gonna take one look at you and…er…isn't she supposed to be waking up now?"

"Sakura? Sakura, get up!" Tomoyo shook her best friend's shoulders, then leaned down feel desperately for a pulse. "She's not breathing! Syaoran, you'll have to give her mouth-to-mouth…what…are…you…_waiting_ for??"

"What? No!" Syaoran leaped up and backed away, hands held in front of him in a warding gesture. "I'm not that unprincipled to kiss an unconscious girl! That's…that's…well, that's kinda kinky, but…no! What am I thinking!" He gulped and turned to run out of the park but Kero warded him off, biting his finger with sharp teeth that were not supposed to exist in such a furry stuffed animal.

"Oh no, Shouran…" He mumbled, voice muffled against the skin at Syaoran's hand. "Yoush gotch urself nto thish …oof…hey, that hurt!…why you little…*chomp* …you waksh Shakura up!"

"Get _off_ me!" Syaoran demanded, twisting the lion's tail. "Do you know how unsanitary that is??"

A tick was starting to develop in Tomoyo's forehead as she glared with narrowed cat-like eyes at the errant boy, slowly rising to her feet. "Let me get this straight, Li Syaoran…you slammed a lightning bolt on top of Sakura's head and now you take _no_ responsibility? Have you no morals??"

"Uh…" Sakura moaned, putting a hand to her forehead and twitching from shock response. "That hurt…I don't think I can move…" The three combatants didn't notice as Tomoyo and Kero squared off against Syaoran menacingly. Ignoring her friends as they contemplated killing Syaoran, Sakura sniffed the air around her delicately then wrinkled her nose in disgust. "What's burning? Oh wait, that would be me…"

"I can't believe you, Syaoran! You'd actually leave her to die!"

"Actually, I'd leave her to get the phone to call the ambulance." Syaoran replied, amber eyes darting around in panic as he tried to find some way of escaping from the Dreadful Duo. "I should have brought my cards today…why didn't I bring my cards today??"

Tomoyo closed her eyes and put a hand to her forehead, an evil grin playing around her lips. "An unwilling boyfriend who fries his girlfriend into char won't lift a finger to save her life…I should have expected this from a man…_that's it! Kero, jump him!_" Kero wasted no time latching onto Syaoran's forefinger again, sharp needle-like teeth breaking into skin as Tomoyo grabbed Syaoran by the hair and tugged..._hard._

"Ew…I'm gonna get blood all over my fur!" Kero muttered, "What I do for love…" 

Tomoyo kicked Syaoran's stomach causing him to double over in pain. "Stop struggling! Resistance is futile! (Compliments of those cyborg freaks from Star Trek: The Borg ) Blood? Never mind that _now_ Kero! This is for Sakura! Remember the time she bought those cookies for you at school? She saved the whole bag for you!" Actually, the fact that she had saved the "whole bag" was because she had had a stomach ache that day, but to Kero, whose next meal was his first and foremost concern, that was a moot point.

Tears misted the little lion's eyes and he sniffed once, "And they were chocolate chip too, my favorite…That's it, Syaoran, you're going down!" 

Sakura was finally aware that something was wrong when Syaoran was tackled to the grassy undergrowth with Tomoyo dragging him towards her like a sacrificial beast. There was a gleam of insanity that played like cerulean fire in normally placid eyes and Sakura gulped nervously, remembering the last time Tomoyo had been this upset; it had been at her second grade sleepover.

__

"La la la la la…oh, good morning Sakura!" Tomoyo smiled cheerfully as she came down for breakfast and reached for the cereal. "This is so great isn't it? I got a lot of good pictures of you sleeping with my Polaroid. They were great! Do you know you snored?" 

"Mmmph." Sakura swallowed a mouthful of Chex before answering in annoyance, "Tomoyo! I told_ you I didn't want my picture taken! I threw them all away."_

Tomoyo stiffened, her whole body going rigid as molten lava began to shoot daggers at Sakura. Carefully, she put down her spoon and rose her impressive height of three foot one( remember, they're in second grade ), radiating extreme fury. "You WHAT??" *Lightning, thunder, fireblasts and whatnot*

"Eeeeepppppppp! I'm sorry!!"

Sakura winced slightly at the memory. That had been a momentous day when she had learned a very important rule: no one touches Tomoyo's camera but Tomoyo."I'm fine," She said hastily, trying to get to her feet, but then, pain washed over her in a wave, and she moaned, and abruptly lay back down, closing her aching eyes. "You know what, never mind…I'll stay here…world…turning…dizzy…" Too busy with their combat over love or death, her friends still didn't notice.

Kero grunted as he shoved Syaoran's head downwards, looking harassed and rumpled. "I hope you're appreciating this, Sakura!" 

"She is!" Tomoyo struggled to bring Syaoran, who was trying to flee, closer, and pushed him down to his knees "Now…All together now. One…two…three!" Together, Tomoyo and Kero rammed Syaoran's head down, just as Sakura got enough courage to peek open her eyelashes, dreading what she would find. Her fear was well founded.

"What the-"

"Hmmmph!" Suddenly, Sakura felt her lips being smashed as Syaoran's face was shoved into hers. Her world spun in a daze (or an even _more_ of a daze, as the case may be) and when he finally lifted his head, she could only stare up at him, stunned.

"Whoa…"

"Sakura, you're…okay?" Tomoyo asked uncertainly, but before Sakura could muster the energy to utilize her voice box, a familiar voice cut sharply into the silence of the clearing.

"Hey Sakura! Dad wants you home…for…oh my God." Touya's eyes crossed as he reeled backwards, almost knocking the wind out of Yuki, who had come to stand by his side. "Oh my GOD! Can't you get a room??"

"It's not what you think!" Syaoran yelled frantically, but Sakura was of another mind completely. 

She smiled dazedly up at the sky and murmured quietly to herself, "Like _hell_ it isn't…" Then she realized that this was her _brother_ that was staring at them in mute horror and snapped completely out of her reverie. "No, wait! It's _not _what you think!" She turned appealingly towards her best friend for help as Kero fell to the ground, imitating a stuffed toy, as he was supposed to do every time unwanted company showed up, but Tomoyo was already scrambling frantically for her camera.

"I have _got_ to get this on tape…"

"Tomoyo!" Sakura and Syaoran, who was still hunched over Sakura, yelled in unison, "Tell him!"

"Huh? Tell him what?" Tomoyo asked blankly, then understood. She looked torn between her friendship and getting a great camera shot for her collection, and sighed audibly, bringing up her camera. "All right…I'm sorry Sakura, but your family deserves to know!"

"What??" Syaoran and Sakura glanced frantically at each other before lunging at Tomoyo, arms outstretched. Unfortunately, Sakura was still half-dead from the shock of Syaoran's thunderbolt and Syaoran tripped over Sakura's feet, so they both landed sprawled over the delicate shoots of grass in various states of consciousness. 

Tomoyo dodged their efforts nimbly, flicking on the switch to her camera before she said, "I don't like betraying friendship…but Touya, it's _exactly_ what you think it is!"

"_What_??" 

"_I knew it!_" Touya yelled, then broke into sobs, "Oh my God…I didn't need to see that…I really…he…" 

Yuki smiled consolingly, patting Touya's drooping back, before waving cheerfully at the two shocked unfairly branded "lovers". "I'll take Touya home, you have to get home by eleven o' clock, okay?"

"Uh…" Sakura nodded uncertainly as Yuki walked her blubbering brother towards the car. Then the fair-skinned man paused and pushed up his glasses a little, turning to look back at them.

"And Sakura?" Yuki smiled gently before adding, " Touya's right, you really _should_ get a room for this kind of thing."

In the grass, Kero trembled, paws stuffed in his mouth to keep the betraying laughter from getting out. _Oh man, oh man, oh man…You're in trouble this time, Sakura!_

***

"I can't _believe_ you, Tomoyo! How could you?" Sakura took off her shoes as she, a still-stunned Syaoran, and Tomoyo mimicked her actions, kicking the shoes to the corner of the shoe cabinet. "I _never_ would have done that to you!"

"But it was a great shot!" Tomoyo looked piteously at her friend with azure eyes, camcorder clutched protectively to her bosom. Tears wavered in the corner of her eyes and she sniffled slightly, "I would have _never_ been able to get another shot like that again! You should have seen the shock on your faces-"

"I _don't_ want to know," Sakura muttered, then the sudden _chi-chink_ of the safety of a gun being released caused all three of them to stiffen and turn slowly to glance cautiously at the shotgun wielding maniac and his cohort.

"Oh dear." Yuki smiled apologetically and shrugged his shoulders, "I…uh…suggested some sake to get him calmed down…and I'm afraid…." He held up the large twenty-three ounce bottle and shook it slightly to prove its emptiness. "I think he drank too much."

"Oh no…" Sakura whimpered, and studied her brother's determined, flushed face with trepidation. "Oh, no, he's not…"

"Drunk? (hic)" Touya supplied. He tossed his dark brown hair back from his face and grinned confidently with the air of a drunk who is just drunk enough to think he _isn't _drunk. He stumbled forward in staggered steps and smiled toothily as he said innocently, "How many timesh have I told you Shakura? (hic) I don't get drunk!" 

"Uh…o-kay, Touya." Sakura said cautiously, not believing a word of it, then she turned to Yuki, a panicked expression on her face. "Where did Touya get that gun?"

Yuki winced, "Ebay."

Sakura's mouth dropped, "He's not supposed to go on the Internet without supervision anymore! Especially since the last time when he bought that huge plastic elephant…life size!" She groaned, torment filling her eyes as she felt a migraine threatened her already frayed sanity. Trying to retain a semblance of calm, she took a deep breath and asked, "Uh…okay…Yuki, where's dad?"

Yuki held up the yellow post-it in his other hand and his eyes flashed sympathetically as he said, "Sorry Sakura, he went out tonight…"

__

Oh no…Sakura began shoving her friends out the door as she backed up quickly, "Syaoran, Tomoyo, I think you'd better go-"

"Nunununununo." Touya halted their progress with an upheld hand, "You sheee….Li Shyoran hash (hic) shullied yer honor (hic)…sho…" Sakura closed her eyes, Syaoran cringed, and Tomoyo pulled out another tape. "…we're haffing a wedding!" There was complete silence as Sakura and Syaoran stared in mute horror at Touya. Then…

"Nnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!" Sakura screamed and Syaoran's voice joined hers in a lower counterpoint as Sakura whirled around to glare at Tomoyo. "This is all your fault!"

Tomoyo on the other hand, had other things to worry about as she burst into tears. "I missed it! I missed it! Oh my God, it was priceless, and I missed it!"

***

Reverend Smith was a busy man. Since he was a busy man, he was also a tired man. He was a tired man that loved and cherished his seven hours of sleep a day, so when he woke up at one o' clock in the morning to the raucous pounding and muffled profanity outside the church gates, he was not feeling very reverend-like. In fact, if anyone asked him about this strange day where he was forced out of bed in the middle of the night, he would have hastened to reassure him, "The devil made me do it…but I've paid penitence, praise the Lord."

Shoving open the heavy oak door, he snapped, "What do you want, you little…" He caught himself and ground his teeth in frustration, "…_blessed _Children of our Great Father? At this _hour_ in the morning?"

Syaoran was cursing his head off. Sakura was yelling at Touya. Touya was behaving as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. And Tomoyo was catching _everything_ on tape. The only one that was not preoccupied was Yuki, so Yuki smiled and said softly, "We're here for a wedding."

"Like _hell!_" Syaoran yelled, "Just because my aim stinks, you're doing this to me?? Isn't this under the category of cruel and unusual punishment??" He struggled against the bonds of rope that held him, amber eyes glaring with snapping mutiny at everyone around him as he spat the gag out of his mouth. "I refuse to marry under duress! I'm too young for this! I have my whole life ahead of me! Cards to capture! Places to go!_ Women_ to meet!" The last was said in a despairing wail that was abruptly muffled as Touya jammed the gag back into Syaoran's mouth.

Sakura ignored her "fiancé" as she shook her brother's arm violently. Tears, anger, and annoyance were evident on her face as she begged, "You aren't going to do this to me are you, _'niichan_? You wouldn't do this to your little _imouto_…saddle her forever to a guy like Li Syaoran! _Please_?" Then, her voice became more demanding as she said, "Who do you think you are, you pain? You can't dictate my life! Dad's gonna _kill_ you for this! No, wait, _I'm_ gonna kill you for this!"

Touya merely grinned cheerfully, patting his shotgun fondly before saying, "But I gotta (hic) gun."

"That's not fair!" Sakura yelled and kicked her brother in the shins. She folded her arms, watching him yelp in pain and glowered darkly at him. "You are_ such_ a pain! You _suck_ Touya!"

The good and holy Reverend had enough and raised his voice to bellow, "ENOUGH! Sirs and madams, do you know what time it is? One o' clock…_a.m._ Therefore, I must ask you to leave and come back tomorrow… er…later today, preferably in the afternoon when-" 

"No! (hic)" Touya glared evilly at the Reverend, levering his shotgun up a few inches. He wobbled unsteadily, but managed to stand up semi-straight, and in a slurred voice, commanded, "We needsh a wedding tonigsh…_NOW_." He gesticulated wildly at a bound and gagged Li Syaoran before continuing, "He shtarted making out wish (hic) my little shishter in da park and now, he'sh gonna do the right shing by her (hic) and you're gonna help me, capish? (hic)"

Reverend Smith paused, sweat gleaming slightly on his forehead as he contemplated the tall, mouse-brown haired man before him who was being attacked by a slight girl that reeked slightly of singed clothing and skin and hastily came to the conclusion that if he did as this man asked, then not only would he escape alive, but he'd also be able to go back to his abruptly vacated bed. "Well, since you put it that way…come in, but be quick about it!"

"NO!" Sakura yelled stubbornly, but her vote was overridden by the mad jostling as Touya shoved her in against her will. "Touya, you'll regret this when you're sober, you idiotic moron!"

"I'm notsh drunk! (hic)" H countered, shoving a lock of hair out of his face. He smiled with inebriated pleasantness and nodded for the Reverend to begin as he tucked his weapon under his arm and dragged Sakura to the altar with one hand while the other propelled Syaoran forward. 

"Dearly…" Reverend Smith glanced at the assortment of drunkards, rebellious adolescents, and a girl that had a bright future as a member of the paparazzi and decided it would be wiser to skip the "beloved" part, "Ahem… we are gathered here today to witness-"

"Shkip that part." Touya advised, looking slightly worse for wear as he fought to stay awake, "Jusht get down to da (hic) bashics."

"Fine by me." the good Reverend muttered, "I can get back to my sleep sooner."

Sakura turned from attempting to murder her brother and sharply, "What kind of priest are you??"

"A tired one," was the annoyed retort. "Let's kindly see to this so I that I may seek the comforts of a warm bed and leave _your_ fate in God's hand, where it belongs. _Not_ in mine." He cleared his throat, hand running down the well-worn pages of the Bible before continuing, "Do you…uh…you…take this-"

"No!" Sakura yelled and suddenly broke in a run for the door. It didn't work. Within minutes, she was back in her place at the altar, Touya's fingers wedged painfully in her short hair as if he was holding a dog leash and she yelped, giving him a fulminating glare. "I hate you," She said shortly, eyes flashing like dangerous emeralds. 

"She doesn't really mean it," supplied Touya, 

"Like hell I don't," Sakura snapped back and turned to Syaoran, demanding, "Why aren't _you _doing anything about this?? You're the other party to this whole mess! Do you realize that if you don't do something _right now_, we are both gonna be miserable for the rest of our lives?! And yours is going to be_ very_ short, I promise!"

"Mmmph…Hnmph." Syaoran shot back, his voice muffled and incomprehensible beneath his gag, "Mmthmph nhm _mnthn!_"

"How can I perform this marriage if these two won't say _'I do'?_!" interrupted the harassed Reverend stridently, "I need a mutual consensus before anything can happen! You're turning a sanctified ceremony that's been upheld for centuries into a disgusting farce!"

"_Look who's talking!_" Sakura yelled back and Syaoran nodded in vigorous agreement with her. "If you just had the _guts_ to say 'no', like any _normal _priest, we wouldn't be here arguing with you! _Baka!_"

The man slumped behind the pulpit and began massaging his forehead before enunciating slowly and carefully, "That's it." Then more loudly, "I would like to introduce to you a super-condensed version of the nuptial ritual." He turned to Syaoran. "You do." He turned to Sakura. "And so do you. Fine, good, you're married." He jammed the marriage contract into Touya's hand and continued, "Get them to sign it on your own. I now pronounce you blessed by God or whatever deity you believe in, have a nice life, congratulations. Now, _get out_!" 

Like the "shepherd of God" that he claimed to be, he herded the unwelcome crowd out the door and shoved them onto the front steps, hastily crossing himself. "Bless you, lose the number to this church as well as its address, and good night all." The heavy wooden doors slammed shut with amazing force, leaving the bewildered party staring at the gilded runes etched into the doorway. 

"I like him." Yuki commented with a smile, "Don't you think that was such a good wedding?" 

"…" Sakura pressed her lips into a thin line, unwilling to take all her frustration out on the hapless and forever good-natured Yuki whom she had had a crush on as a kid. Instead she went over to Syaoran and began to unbind him. "This is all your fault," She hissed under her breath. "You're the almighty 'oh look at me, I'm Li Syaoran from Hong Kong', and you couldn't prevent this?" As soon as his arms were free, she stepped back a step and brought her hand across his face in a loud _SLAP_ before wheeling on the ball of her foot and stalking away, still muttering epithets under her breath.

Syaoran yanked out the gag from his mouth, croaking angrily, "You married me to a _shrew!_"

Touya nodded muzzily and smiled, "Welcome to the fambly." He slurred, and taking the younger man by the shoulders, steered him towards the Kimonoto residence. "We'll call yer (hic) parents in Hongsh Kong an' (hic) give em da good newsh…"

Oh you think so, eh? _Omae o kuruso, bakayaroo_! Lightning!"

"Aie!!!"

"Sakura! Are you alright?? Goddamn it Syaoran!" 

"Oww……"

***

Syaoran and a twice-charred Sakura sat on the sky blue coverlet of her bed, glowering furiously at Touya as he cheerfully insisted on some "celebratory" sake. Tomoyo had decided to leave earlier on, claiming that her mom would be furious at her arriving home so late. "Not that I would have missed it for the world." She said, and winked cheerfully, camera in hand. "Ja, Sakura, Syaoran! I'll call you later tonight!"

"Thish ish na everry (hic) day thash…thash…m'little (hic) shishter ges…ma…marriieed." Touya smiled drunkenly as he struggled to go on with the toast. "I'd likesh to be da firsht to (hic) congrashula…" But his three bottles of sake finally caught up to him and still holding his hand up, he closed his eyes and immediately passed out on Sakura's bedroom carpet.

For a moment, there was silence. Then Yuki, sipping at his own small cup, remarked equably, "I believe Touya's had too much to drink, Sakura."

"Good." She muttered, "I hope he dies of liver corrosion." 

She watched mulishly as Yuki carefully cleaned away the mess of barely touched _mochi_ and empty sake bottles and half-dragging, half-supporting Touya, he staggered towards the door. "_Konbanwa_!" He waved and the door closed gently behind him. 

The two newlyweds continued to glare at the door in a semblance of obstinate anger, before Sakura suddenly grinned, folding her hands and smiling brilliantly at Syaoran. Impishly she tilted her head at him and remarked, "You act awfully well."

"Hmph." 

"And Tomoyo did a good job at too…much better than at rehearsal. I didn't know she _could_ get you in a half nelson…nice improvisation, don't you think? You know, there's more to her than meets the eye. I have no idea why she got Kero into this though…I bet he's hoping for some cake or something as a reward…hmph, opportunist. I swear, the day he stops thinking about his stomach, the world is gonna come to an end."

"Hmph."

Syaoran's annoyed countenance didn't change and Sakura's happy expression dimmed a little and she asked a little sadly, "What? You changed your mind? You know Touya would have never agreed otherwise and Meilin would have thrown a _fit_ if you actually got married to me willingly."

Syaoran turned sulky mahogany-brown eyes on her and scowled. "You _slapped _me." 

__

owari….

__

'niichan: older brother (in a loving way usually, it would only be _ani_)

__

imouto: younger sister.

__

omae o kuruso: I will destroy you

__

bakayaroo: _really _mean way of saying stupid/idiot, 

__

konbanwa: good night

_mochi_: rice paste and red bean delicacy

Read it? ^____^ ! And now for the omake…*sweatdrop* but I need to put a warning on it first.

(Written by Yebisu Beer and only by Yebisu Beer, I did NOT have any part in writing this, but when he wrote it and sent it to me, it was like…OH NO! . But it's funny in a perverted way….*shudder* yeah, n'wayz, if you aren't _hentai_ or _ecchi_, (perverted or kinky) SKIP IT. Everything is implicit, nothing is explicit, but what it implies is…heh heh *BIG anime sweatdrop*…well, let's just say that you've been warned!) 

Omake:

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Sakura looked glumly at herself. "They're so small…"

Syaoran looked downwards at himself. "It's so small…"

"I know!" Sakura suddenly yanked something out of her backpack and whirled around triumphantly to look at him. "LET'S USE THE…BIG CARD!"

In the opposite room, through a carefully drilled hole in the wall, Tomoyo's jaw crashed to the ground. "Dear God is that…wow…"

Kero's eyes glazed. "Do you think mine can get that big?"

***

Touya woke up with a groan holding his head. "What…my head…" His head was pounding and he could feel alcohol distinctively on his breath. "What happened last night?" All he remembered was Sakura saying he'd regret something when he woke up…He just forgot what.

Reaching across his bed to grab his headache medicine on the nightstand, his hand brushed a lump on his bed. He groaned, "Huh? Yuki…again? Look man, when I get bombed you can't show up here all the time."

"Oh Touya…that was wonderful…" As a head appeared over the blanket, and Touya choked, scrambling back. "What the hell??"

Tomoyo smiled. "Can we do it again?"

As screaming woke up the couple on the other room, Sakura winced, burying her head into the sheets. "What's going on? I'm still tired…"

Syoaran smiled smugly. "Yeah…." Suddenly he groaned, "Oh shit…"

"What?"

"We haven't caught the Little card!"

Oh MY GOD! I SWEAR IT WASN'T ME! I SWEAR IT WASN'T ME! GOMEN! But it was too hilarious to take off…he's such a baka-hentai! lol. 

And here's a little debate/argument that Youjibear and me are having…Syaoran's eyes can be amber, can't they? I mean, if he's showing some great or intense emotion, do you think his eyes can go totally amber? Amber is a light honey color and we were arguing over that word for *pause* two/three days. She made me change it…*pout* to brown….*grumble, grumble, mutter* So, what do you think?

N'wayz, review pleaze, : ) Arigato, minna! 


	2. The Forces of Evil Unite!

Honeymoon and a funeral

^_^ Arigato, minna-sans, for your wonderful reviews…When some of you asked for a sequel, it was like, "Sequel? What sequel?" But then, my mind started playing games again, so…well, here it is! Thank you for being so supportive and for being an inspiration, and *ahem* get ready for some good, old-fashioned _weirdness_…are you sure you're insane enough? Lol…

Additional warnings: (Yeah, it's always a good idea to have this, isn't it…heh heh…) Character bashings (ALL of them), massive OOCness, and Meilin decked out in whips and chains. Yes, she's going S&M. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! 

__

The Forces of Darkness Unite!

"_What do you mean you're married?!_" Touya's voice reverberated through the neighborhood like a thunderclap, causing the birds to stop mid-cheep and a guy drinking coffee to spill the hot liquid down his shirt. "_Who gave you permission to-_"

Sakura scowled back, interrupting with a peevish, "_Bakayaroo!_ Who was the _idiot_ that pushed us to the alter at one o'clock in the morning, _ani_? And you woke up the Reverend and waved a shotgun around-" 

"I did _not_!"

"You did," Yuki amended cheerfully, popping a piece of syrup drenched toast into his mouth.

Touya glared at his unfazed best friend with smoldering eyes before swinging back to confront his defiant sister. "And how come I don't remember taking you and your boyfriend to St. Justine's Church last night then, huh?"

"_Because you were drunk!"_

"I was not!"

"You were." Yuki, having finished with his plate turned to the pancakes with a voracious appetite. It seemed a waste really, that the Kimonoto siblings were not going to eat anything this morning, as busy as they were trying to assign the blame on the other. Yuki smiled cheerfully at Touya, seemingly unaware that he was pouring oil over the already flaring flames. 

Touya ignored him for the moment as he continued to yell, "And besides that, why the hell were you doing rolling in the grass with Li Syaoran in the park anyway!?"

"We were not making out and you jumped to a conclusion that was utterly stupid!" Sakura slammed her fist into the table in frustration, making the porcelain dance precariously on the edge of the mahogany wood table. Her blazing olive-green eyes clashed threateningly with Touya's furious chocolate brown ones as she added, "You misconstrued the incident entirely!"

"_I did not!_"

"No, you probably didn't." Yuki innocently popped another piece of toast in his mouth as two hot-tempered siblings swung equally frustrated gazes at him.

"Whose side are you on, anyway?" Sakura asked, a trifle petulantly, as she crossed her arms over her chest, but Yuki merely shrugged and turned back to breakfast, devouring everything with cheerful impartiality. _He acts like Kero sometimes,_ Sakura thought with a sigh, _Stomach first, talk later. And that reminds me…Kero's gonna be wanting something to eat soon…_

Abruptly, Sakura stood up, spearing a few of the remaining pancakes and pouring them liberally with maple syrup and dusting it with powdered sugar. _Is this enough? I think there's some leftover Jello that Kero might want…_She rummaged around in the refrigerator, but as she grabbed a container of gelatin, she accidentally tipped over a half-opened jar of pickles, splattered the sour juice all over the sweet confection. _Aie, kuso! Oh well, sorry Kero. _

Turning around with the food in her hands, she added, "I'm not talking to you anymore, Touya. First, you marry me to 'oh-look-at-me' Li, _then_ you find him in my room this morning and grabbed Dad's pickaxe and chased him out of the house, and _now_ you're blaming everything on _me_!" Stomping her foot once, Sakura hissed, "I can't believe you _actually _went after him with a pickaxe!" _Beside, you ruined a perfectly nice moment, you dork! _"You _suck_ as a brother!"

"_I do not!_"

"Actually…" Yuki began, but before he could finish the sentence, Touya and Sakura chorused in a sharp, "_No!_" 

Yuki laughed, not at all daunted as he remarked, "That's the first thing you've agreed on this whole morning. I'm so glad you two are finally reconciling with each other."

Sakura sighed, wishing she could free her hands to massage her temples. _Migraine, migraine, migraine…don't set the Fight Card on Yuki…no, that would not be nice…_"I'm going upstairs now. I need to lie down."

"You have school, Brat." Touya reminded, finally sitting down to his now cold breakfast. A congealed layer of fat had long since coated the sausages and he poked moodily at them with his knife, watching the oil dribble off in tiny rivulets. Making a face, he put the eating utensil down, pushing the plate at a still-eating Yuki. "And why the hell are you eating Jello this early in the morning? And what's that _sour_ smell? Is it pickles?"

"I feel like it, and it's none of your business anyway." Sakura shot back, "And I'm not going to school today…I don't feel well." With no further explanation, she quit the room, balancing the platter of pancakes in one hand and carrying a cup of gelatin in the other. Unfortunately, her abrupt departure left her unaware of how Touya's face drained completely of color or she might have tried something to change her brother's misconceptions. But since she wasn't...

Yuki noticed Touya's sudden stillness, and asked, around a mouthful of cold sausages, "What's wrong?"

"I am going to _kill_ Syaoran!" Touya announced ominously, "Don't you know the symptoms?"

"Huh?"

"Not feeling well, and eating weird things at weird times…" Touya stood straight up, holding a condemning finger in the air. "Sakura is pregnant, and it's _all his fault!!_ "

Yuki blinked in mild amazement before commenting, "You know, Touya…they only got married yesterday. There's no possible way that Sakura could be showing this early."

"I am _not_ listening to you!" 

***

"You _what?!_" Syaoran shifted uncomfortably as Meilin's sharp eyes threw glass daggers at him, "What do you mean by 'I got married'?!" The slender Chinese girl had her hands propped on her hips, eyebrow cocked at a dangerous angle. Although her voice was still somewhat even…or even enough so that only the people in a five hundred-foot radius could hear her as opposed to people all the way in Hong Kong…it was tense with incredulity and the beginnings of mad fury.

He sighed mentally and reviewed the age old adage that had always served as the loose framework for his relationship with Meilin: _When you deal with a girl that is hormonally imbalanced and completely obsessed with you…either run away (_thus, his flight to Japan) _or try to talk it out and hope she doesn't begin trying out her pressure point techniques on you. _Since he had run out of places to hide, he tried the latter. 

Big mistake.

"Err…Meilin, calm down." Syaoran mumbled cautiously then dragged his fingers through his unruly mane of mahogany-brown tresses. _I can't tell her that Sakura and I actually _wanted _to get married and we tricked her brother into doing the honors…can I? Oh boy…_Luckily, or unluckily for him, Meilin immediately jumped to her own conclusions.

"I knew it! It's that _girl_ isn't it? Sakura used some of her magic and tricked you into it, didn't she?"

"Not exactly…wait a minute…No! Meilin, it wasn't like that!"

Charging ahead with her customary bullheadedness, Meilin ignored Syaoran's belated attempt to change the direction of her thinking. After all, her 'poor Syaoran' was probably delusional or something…all a part of the spell that Sakura had put on him, the witch. "Well don't worry, Syaoran. I'm here now!" Meilin's smile grew predatory as she leapt to her feet, brushing off the dust that had settled on her clinging stockings. "We'll make her _pay_ for even _thinking_ about tricking you like that! _And_ we'll get her to cry 'annulment' so fast that none of this will ever hit the public!"

"But-" Syaoran began, but Meilin was already outlining her own battle plans, all of which contained sharp pointy objects, Attack Cards, or fast moving projectiles hurling at Sakura. Syaoran slumped against the wall and wondered despondently how he had agreed to Sakura's crazy plan. It wasn't working out at all!

*~Flashback~*

__

"Come on_, Syaoran, we're nineteen! We can't let other people dictate our lives! I mean, if we don't take initiative, Meilin's going to have you beneath the conjugal bed sheets and my brother's going to send me off to a cloister to keep me 'safe'! Do you want that to happen?"_

Syaoran tried to avoid looking into Sakura's pleading peridot-green eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. "Don't exaggerate, Sakura! Meilin wouldn't-" He swallowed hard. Actually, Meilin would. Meilin who, in first grade, had decided that Syaoran was the paradigm of manliness and the only one for her, had latched on to him like a leech. Meilin who had, upon seeing Sakura talk to him that first time, threatened Sakura with death and destruction if she didn't get away from 'her man'. Meilin who had-

"You see?" Sakura demanded, "You know I'm right…do you really want to get married to Meilin??"

"Not really…but…we have sorta an engagement_ thing that our parents made when we were kids…" _

Sakura looked at Syaoran in disgust before she replied, "He-llo, Syaoran! How long have you known Meilin, as in since you were a baby? It would be like marrying your sister!_ Or don't tell me that you can actually imagine her after the wedding in the honeymoon suite-"_

"Don't talk like that!" Syaoran suppressed a shudder. "But still, my parents-"

"And I bet," Sakura continued ruthlessly, "That Meilin can't kiss like this!_" Marching up to him, Sakura tilted his face downwards and…whoa. End of discussion right there._

Syaoran mumbled a slight curse under his breath as he abruptly got up. "I have to go make a phone call." 

Meilin smiled adoringly at him. Whatever Syaoran wanted, he got. Clearly Syaoran could do know wrong! "Sure! Then afterwards, I can make lunch and we can discuss ways to get the witch out of your hair, okay? Meet me at my house later. I'll be expecting you, so I'll cook something extra special!" Syaoran rolled his eyes heavenward, beseeching heavenly guidance. But the Big Man upstairs seemed to be on his vacation and not taking collect calls, or maybe he was too convulsed in hilarity over this emerging soap opera. In any case, no divine miracle appeared to deliver him from this evil, so he could do nothing but nod helplessly in agreement.

Instantly, he was rewarded with a sweet smile that replaced the draconic bloodlust that had been previously stamped on Meilin's face. With a happy cheer, she bounced up and giving him a bone-crunching hug, disappeared in the general direction of her house. 

"Oh boy…" he muttered when she was out of earshot, "I have to call Sakura…"

As he walked off, Meilin's eyes followed him down the road before, with a determined smile, she continued on her own way…with a slight change of direction. "Syaoran's too nice to brush off Sakura, so he needs _me_ to protect him." She said firmly to herself, "I'll break Sakura's stupid spell myself, and then Syaoran's coming home to Hong Kong with me for the _real_ wedding..."

***

__

Ring! Ring! The urgent squeal of the telephone cut through Sakura's skull like a siren. At first, she ignored it; it was probably for her brother anyway. But when no one picked up, the incessant ringing got on her nerves, and sighing in exasperation, Sakura rolled over on her stomach as she reached for the phone without any real interest, "_Mochi mochi_?"

"Sakura! It's not working!" 

Sakura immediately perked up at the sound of Syaoran's voice, "Syaoran? Where are you? Oh my God, I am _so_ sorry about this morning…I swear my brother's got some mental problems or something! And-"

"No, no, wait up! Sakura, listen to me, _it's not working!_" Even over the sizzling static of the phone, Sakura could hear the frustration that was threaded through Syaoran's voice. "Remember we thought Meilin would give up? Well, now she thinks you put some magic spell over me and made me your love slave!"

"Hmmm…I wonder if there _is_ a spell like that…." Sakura mused thoughtfully, "I'll have to ask Kero when he's awake…"

"_Sakura!!"_

"Wha-? Oh, sorry!" Thankful that she was talking to him over the phone where he couldn't see her blush, Sakura continued quickly, "What do you think we should do then? I mean, Meilin was supposed to give up-"

"She didn't! And now she's thinking of a hundred and one different ways to make you her personal shish kabob! She's becoming obsessive and violent-well, she was always obsessive and violent, but _still!_ This time is different! She actually drew up battle plans in the sandbox at the park!! "

"What?!" Sakura bolted upright, fingers winding nervously around the telephone cord, "That's terrible! Syaoran, why didn't you _say_ anything??"

"She didn't give me a chance, with all that ranting and raving! Sakura, I _tried_, I really did!"

"Yeah, well _next _time, try _harder!_" Sakura swallowed nervously as she imagined Meilin in one of her witch-hunting, S&M costumes and almost let out a whimper. "Oh _geez_, she probably bringing along that whip and chains deal and the exorcism kit again…like last Halloween. Remember last Halloween? How can anyone forget last Halloween??"

*~Flashback~*

__

"You look pretty chic in that outfit, Sakura." Tomoyo stood back, gauging the fall of the wispy material with a critical eye. "Hmmm, chiffon, reminiscent of the twenties where it was all the rage, with a wing and card motif to celebrate your accomplishments as a CardCaptor. A pretty good design if I do say so myself." Tomoyo smiled impishly as Sakura flushed, tugging at the dark sapphire hem of her dress.

"Are you sure I look okay, Tomoyo?" Sakura asked self-consciously, brushing back the feathers of her masquerade mask, and Tomoyo gave her an injured look.

"Of course you do. I designed the dress myself, after all." Then Tomoyo leaned forward slightly to whisper, "I also put in a heart motif…you know, Queen of Hearts? Maybe that'll give you a better chance to get at Syaoran this year, hmmm?"

"Wha-?" Sakura's face pinkened, "Oh, well, I can always hope-"

"Don't even think_ about it, sister!" The two friends spun around to meet the threat…only to have their jaw drop in a combination of complete horror and stunned fascination. _

"Oh…oh my God…"

Meilin grinned evilly as she stood in the doorway, clothed in a tight leather bunny outfit (or it would_ have been a bunny outfit if it had more cloth covering certain…*ahem* places…). As she tossed her head, Sakura and Tomoyo could see the glittering chains that hung with careless grace around her wrists and neck…and _no one_ could miss the cat-o-nine tails she held firmly in her hands. (In case you don't know, a cat-o-nine tails is a big, bad whip that can cause major ouchies…) "l told you in fourth grade to back off from Syaoran, Sakura, and my advice hasn't changed! And now, you're gonna pay the price! Get ready for Meilin's Super-Deluxe Sin Purification Act!"_

"Oh my GOD!!"

"HOHOHOHOHOHO…Lick my boots! Call me Master!"

Sakura widened her eyes in horror, then began shrieking.

"I still have scars from that!" Sakura wailed, on the verge of tears. "I can't take it again, I really can't!"

"Stop blubbering, Sakura!" Syaoran ordered, "We have to think of a plan! Now is _not_ the time for hysterics!"

"Bu-but, I'm afraid an-and she's scary and…" Sakura started shivering, barely controlling the urge to burrow under the covers of her pink, woolen bed sheets with the bunny prints stamped over it. "I'm even more afraid of her than I am when I see a ghost, Syaroan! I mean it, she's psychotic!" A sudden knock on the door made her freeze and dive frantically for her pillow, heaping the fluffy mass on the phone and sitting on it to muffle Syaoran's exasperated response. "Er….wait a moment! I'll be right with you!"

"Sakura, are you all right?" Touya's voice, strangely hollow through the oaken door, made her panic.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" _Shut _up_ Syaoran! _Sakura thought fiercely, even though she smiled brightly when her brother came in, bearing a tray. 

"Hey brat, brought you something to eat." Touya looked around the room with narrowed chocolate brown eyes before setting the food down with a metallic clatter on Sakura's dresser. "Who were you talking to?"

"Me?" Sakura pointed at herself, then laughed nervously, "No one, no one at all. Me? Why would I be talking to anyone?"

"Uh…yeah." Touya regarded his little sister suspiciously, then decided to chalk it up as the hormonal imbalances of a woman during pregnancy. _Damn, it's already started!_ Touya fumed silently to himself._ The mood swings…next thing I know, she'll be hurling things at me and bursting into tears. Why me??_ "Anyway, I thought you might be hungry, so I brought something up."

"Okay, okay, thank you very much, dear brother!" Jumping off the bed, Sakura hastily bowed and all but pushed her intruding sibling towards the exit with unnatural force. "Mmmm, smells delicious. Okay, I'll eat it right away! Bye!" Then the door was slammed in his face, rattling the panes of fragile glass in their frames.

"Huh?" Touya asked blankly, then eased the door open, "What the hell was all that about?"

"You're being annoying Touya! Just leave me alone!" Suddenly, a cushion was hurled his way, followed by a pad of stationary paper and set of pens.

Ducking out again, Touya slammed the door and leaned against it with a withering stare at the hapless plastic roses that were sitting on the hall table. "Girls and their mood swings. And I have to live with her for all nine months of it!!" Touya sighed and crossed his arms before standing straight, and walking towards the front door. "Well, I bet she's gonna be eating a lot more weird stuff…so I might as well go to the store and start buying some food before she starts screaming." 

***

When she had made sure her brother had walked away from the door, Sakura dug through the pile of pillows to hear Syaoran's frantic shouts blasting from the speakers, "Damnit Sakura, we don't have time, damnit! Say something! If you fainted, I'll use the Lightning Card on you again, I swear-"

"Okay, I'm back! Sorry, but my brother came in." Sakura apologized with a guilty smile. "Umm…we need to talk, so listen. This house isn't a safe place to talk. My brother's already tried to-"

"Kill me?" Syaoran supplied darkly, "With a pick axe?'

"Um…yeah. Sorry about that…" Could her cheeks get any hotter? "Anyway, meet me by the King Penguin after lun-" Sakura glanced towards her meal, then stopped, nose wrinkling in disgust. Runny eggs with syrup were heaped on the plate with a side of anchovies and sour cream swirled on the top with artistic flourish. Instead of the cup of maple leaf tea that she preferred, there was only a glass of tepid water with a note under it that said _No caffeine until it's over._

Sakura stared at the note, then at the food. _What the hell? Did Touya forget how to cook or is this some kind of joke?! No caffeine until _what_ is over? _

"Sakura?" Syaoran's impatient voice brought her back to the present and she shook her head, pushing the platter of "edibles" away from her, feeling slightly nauseous. 

"Uh, yeah. You know what, let's discuss this over lunch, at Tsunabi's restaurant, okay? Suddenly, eating at home doesn't sound very appealing."

***

Touya stared down aisles and aisles of canned foods, preserved foods, frozen foods, dried foods, fresh foods…and knew he was completely lost. Exactly _what_ did you buy a hormonally imbalanced female anyway? He tried to think back on what his mother had eaten, but he had been so little, that the pondering drew up a complete blank. He sighed, then spotted a pregnant woman making her slow progress to the cashier.

"Um," Half-running, Touya caught up to her and asked, almost desperately, "Excuse me ma'am. What does a woman like to eat when she's pregnant?" The woman instinctively moved back a few steps from the Touya's frantic endeavor, eyes widening perceptibly.

"Wha-?"

"No, please. What do women eat when they're pregnant?" Then she did something that he did not expect at all…which was something that he _should_ have expected since she was with child after all. She broke down and started crying. 

"Why, young man…why do you have to make fun of me? Isn't it enough that I'm fat and I can't fit into any of my clothes anymore and that I'm going to be expecting soon? Why do you have to make fun of me? What did I ever do to you??" She sniffled, rummaging around in her purse for a handkerchief, and upon not finding one, seemed to think the end of the world had come. "Is it right for me to bring my child into such a cruel, cruel world where strangers come up and assault poor, hapless women? Is it, young man? Is it?"

__

Oh boy…"No, no, that's not what I meant!" Touya amended hastily, but in another mercurial change, the woman stood up abruptly, eyes blazing with self-righteous fury, her purse suddenly turning into a smacking weapon.

"Well, I won't stand for it! (whack) You are a rude, (whack) nasty (whack) person and…oh my, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you??" She abruptly stopped hitting him with the flat side of her purse when she saw Touya's eyes were spinning at an alarming rate, pupils dilated in a daze. "Oh I'm sorry!" And she broke into tears again. 

It was then that Touya decided to quickly assure her that he was fine and make his getaway towards aisle three at a mad dash. _Onnas…_

After wandering hopelessly around for another half-hour (hey, _he_ usually wasn't the one stuck with the shopping!) he finally gathered the courage to ask another person for help, tapping tentatively at a salesperson's shoulder.

"Uh excuse me," The clerk turned and smiled sunnily as Touya shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, an expression of decided unease on his face. "Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me with something?"

"Sure." The woman said brightly, then wiped her hands on a towel, brushing her hair back absently. "So, how can I help you?"

"Yeah…" Touya took a deep breath before words rushed out of his mouth in a quick, "Canyoutellmewhatyouwouldbuytoeatforapregnantwoman?"

She froze, eyes going wide in amazement and then vicarious delight as she bowed and clapped her hands once, "Oh sir! How wonderful for you! What a joyous occasion!"

"No, no really, I mean-"

"Oh, let me tell you, a child always serves to cement the family together…such a bundle of joy to brighten up the home life. Why, when my Sejiro was born, my husband was completely changed! I remember once, when-"

Touya slumped against a shelf of pre-fried beans, head buried in his hands. _Why me God? Is this 'drive-Touya-crazy' day? Is this some kind of divine test or something? Is it that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN TO WALK TOKYO MUST BE PREGNANT OR HAS BEEN PREGNANT AND WANTS TO TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT OR MURDER ME FOR IT???_

"And you should have seen my husband's face when Sejiro started walking…"

***

Syaoran bundled his coat more tightly around himself, glancing furtively above his dark shades for any sight of Sakura. She should have been here by now. 

"Excuse me sir!"

"What?!" Syaoran almost jumped out of his seat as he whirled instinctively to face the incoming threat…only to collide into the surprised waiter. Miso soup and sashimi flew wildly into the air, landing with a splash and clatter on the tile floor. That is, the food that _reached_ the floor fell. The rest ended up as ornaments for Syaoran's clothes, bits of rice and tofu making stark streaks of white on his dark coat. "Oh gross…."

"Uh...sorry sir! I was only bringing you your food." The poor waiter stammered, whipping out a towel. "Here, here let me help…"

"What the heck?!" A female voice made them both look up and Syaoran scowled as Tomoyo and Sakura slipped into the seat adjacent of him. "What happened to you, Syaoran?"

Instead of replying, he glared at them and hissed, "You're _late._"

"Hmmm…" Tomoyo gazed thoughtfully at him, then brought up her camcorder and smiled as he turned red and started sputtering furiously. "_Obviously_ not late enough to catch _this_ footage. What a _total _lack in fashion sense; the gray-"

"Okay, now is _not _the time to start bickering." Sakura whispered, yanking Syaoran back into his seat. "Look. My brother's after you, and Meilin's after me. That means that we either one, need to try to talk them both out of killing us. Or two, get away from Tokyo until both of their tempers cool down a little so they won't hurt us when they find us, got it? Now, I don't know about Meilin, but my brother is somewhat reasonable-"

"HOHOHOHO!"

The trio stiffened immediately, and Tomoyo swung her camera around to catch Meilin's new outfit as Sakura scrunched even lower in her seat.

"Oh no…"

"Now _that_ is very chic…"

"So, Sakura. You didn't listen to my advice again, did you." Lips quirked upwards in a crimson slash as Meilin added meditatively, "Oh well, I think it's time for me to give you another lesson…"

"Meilin," Syaoran got to his feet, trying to look stern an in command of himself, even though that was hard to do with a whip-cracking S&M queen smiling dangerously at them, "How many times have I told you-"

"Don't worry Syaoran!" A mascaraed eye winked before she added, "Wait your turn! Isn't it wonderful? We can get married after I break the spell that this silly witch put on you with my Super-Deluxe-Sin-Purification Act-"

That was enough. The mere mention of _that_ caused Sakura to grab Syaoran and Tomoyo, and almost bodily picking them both up. Before a surprised, 'Nani?!' could be uttered by her chosen victims, she madly dashed through the Emergency Exit as if demons from Hell were on her tail. Of course, Meilin _could_ be classified as that…or perhaps she could be better known as Satan's Consort, for all the devilish sadism she could be induced to show… 

"Hey!" Surprised and more than a little furious (or deranged) Meilin gave chase, the heels of her leather boots clanking heavily against the cement. "Who let you leave?? You come _back_ here with _my_ Syaoran, Sakura!!"

Sakura laughed nervously, and pumped her legs harder as a surge of fear-induced adrenaline rushed through her veins. "She has _got_ to be kidding, right?"

"Sakura, put me _down!_" Syaoran demanded, but of course, his athletic and panicked wife refused to do any such thing.

"She's gaining on us." Tomoyo observed calmly. She held up her camcorder and zoomed into Meilin's determined face, adding thoughtfully, "I don't think she's very happy, Sakura."

"No kidding." Sakura shook her head in disbelief over the understatement, "Syaoran, I'm scared!"

"Just let me talk to her; she'll listen to me!"

"HOHOHOHO!! The chase is on! How exciting! You won't get away from me, Sakura!!" The tail of the whip stung close to Sakura's cheek, making her shriek and shoot into a parking lot…and slamming straight into Touya and his bag full of groceries. Sakura collapsed on the ground with an 'oomph', then looked around frantically as food rained from the heavans.

"Where is she, where is she??"

"Right here, Sakura! Lick my boots! Call me Master!"

"NO!!! Syaoran, help me!"

Unfortunately for both of them, Syaoran had his own problems as he encountered a snarling gorgon of a more-than-usually-pissed-off Touya. "You!"

"Wha-???"

"You got my imouto pregnant!"

"What??" Sakura froze midblock as she attempted to shield herself from Meilin's wrath with a fallen package of flimsy seaweed. (It wasn't doing much good anyway, but still…)

"What?" Tomoyo almost dropped her camera.

"_What?!_" Syaoran's eyes widened as his mouth slid open with a 'thunk'.

"_What???" _That was Meilin, whose eyes narrowed into dangerous feline slits. "How _dare_ you, Sakura??"

"I didn't!!" As Meilin raised her whip again, Sakura darted forward and grabbed her brother's dangling car keys. Draggin Syaoran and Tomoyo to their feet, she quickly located Touyo's beat up Toyota and tossed her friend and husband into the backseat like a bunch of baggage. "Sorry Touya, I'll return the car to you later!"

"But that's my-" Touya's protest was drowned out by the roaring of the engine and the squealing of car tires as Sakura barely avoided colliding with a blue Honda and sent the car shooting out of the parking lot. Touya stared with forlorn bitterness after the thin trail of exhaust before turning narrowed amber eyes on Meilin. "What were you trying to do to my little sister?"

"What were you trying to do to Syaoaran?" Meilin shot back, flexing her whip ominously. "If you were trying to hurt him…"

"_He_ got married to my sister, so I'm allowed to get angry at the little stinker!" Touya replied coldly, "But if you hurt my sister…"

Meilin was unimpressed as she glared at him with narrowed cerulean eyes. Then unexpectedly, she smiled and straightened up, coiling up her cat-o'-nine-tails again. "It seems like we're after the same goal, Kimonoto-san. _I _want Sakura out of the picture so Syaoran can marry me. _You _don't think Syaoran is good enough for Sakura, am I right?"

"Yeah…" Touya admitted cautiously. He eyed the nineteen-year-old girl with the ridiculous set of chains and leather with trepidation before asking carefully, "And what are you getting at."

"Hmph." Meilin smiled, tipping her head to one side before she continued, "It's very simple. If I get Syaoran, he'll be going back to Hong Kong with me, and you can protect your little sister for a while longer and find someone _better_ to marry her to. And if we team up, we'll have a better chance of succeeding at our goal, right?"

Touya scowled thoughtfully before warning, "You can't hurt Sakura, though, or all bets are off."

"Of course not!" Meilin widened her eyes innocently. _Yeah, right. As soon as I get you, Sakura, you're going to wish you'd never laid eyes on _my_ Syaoran. _"And _you_ can't hurt Syaoran at _all_."

"Right." Touya nodded. _I won't hurt him…I'll just throw him into a pit of lions and _they_ can hurt him for me. _"So. Is it a deal then?"

tbc…

^_^ I love coffee, don't you? Sorry, no omake this time…my dear friend, the Drunken Bastard, can't think of one to write about…*sigh* oh well. Hope you enjoyed it anyway! Please review, minna!


	3. Sakura Strikes Back!

AN: eh heh heh heh…*sweatdrop* I haven't had time to write…the power of my muse has NOT been with me lately! But after so-and-so amounts of months, I'm finally getting the next part of this out…aren't you proud of me? *preens* some of the stuff here doesn't match the timeline for the new series since the kept on skipping around and I have NO idea what the hell went first…*grr…* n'wayz, what are you waiting for? Start reading!

The aforementioned warnings all apply…now get set for some crazy-ness! (and of course…s+s moments in between…)

**__**

Sakura Strikes Back!

Sakura shrieked as a ten ton anvil slammed vengefully on the ground where she had been standing a second ago and grabbing Syaoran by the hand, pumped her legs as fast as she could. 

"Syyyaaaooorrraaannnnn!!! Call [huff] her [ow ow ow ow!!!] off!" She panted as a few more explosions followed in her wake, complete with dropping piano and various other household furniture as well as a smattering of nine-millimeter bullets. 'This isn't the honeymoon I planned for, _koi!_"

"Me neither," Syaoran snapped, a bit testily, then softened his voice when she turned on him with a hurt expression on her face. "Okay, so the plan…didn't go as expected. [gasp] When did it ever? The important thing, is that we're togeth-"

"Watch out!!" She shoved him out of the way of a kitchen knife and looked frantically around for something to hide behind. "I want to use Fly, but it's still recovering and it wouldn't be fair to it…" Ignoring the people that popped their head out of the doorways and windows to see what was going on, they kept on running as the engine sound grew louder and louder in their ears. They didn't have to look behind them to see what they would find…they already knew: Syaoran's crazy jilted fiancée and Sakura's annoying older brother.

Flying in a light bomber at a _very _low altitude (like five feet above the highest building) and gleefully chucking various household implements at them.

"Syaoran?"

"Yeah?" He turned to her, inscrutable brown eyes masked by his wild, flopping hair.

"I know I've said it before and I'll say it again…" She took a deep breath, more to keep on running than from any kind of fear, although she was feeling _plenty_ of that, to be sure, "Before we die, I just wanted to tell you…that this is all your fault." She smiled at him weakly, watching as mock indignation chased across his face. "Well it is…kinda."

"What?!" He asked, trying to sound offended, "Well, there was something I need to tell you too if we die-" _BANG!_ He winced as a generic black bomb landed somewhere behind them, and amended quickly, "_when_ we die…"

Sakura tossed her quicksilver bronze hair behind her, the tips brushing around her cheeks in a way that he particularly loved. Even with sweat beading at her forehead and slipping down her cheeks, she was still the most beautiful vision he had ever seen…well, she would be _more_ beautiful if there weren't miscellaneous objects exploding and impacting on the ground around them, but _anyway…_ "Yeah, what is it?" 

This time, she couldn't quite keep the affection from her voice as he pulled her closer, clasping his hand with hers (and simultaneously yanking her out of the way of "mysteriously" falling kitchen sink). 

"Aishiteru, _koishi_…"

"Holy everlasting sh--, _look out!!!_" She shoved both of them to lay prone in the dusty streets as some unidentifiable objects exploded behind her. "God, this is insane!!" She glanced at him sheepishly, "Oh yeah, I love you too."

***

"HOHOHOHOHO!!! They're on the run! How exciting!!" Meilin leaned out from the window of the "leased" plane, a malevolent grin plastered to her face as she watched her fleeing prey. A little frown creased between her eyes as she watched them hold hands, but she pushed that thought aside. _Don't worry, Syaoran, I'll get that spell off even if it kills you._ Belatedly, she turned back to piloting when she heard a muffled yell and a scuffle in the plane. Turning slightly, she asked cheerfully, "Isn't this _wonderful_, Touya?!"

A trussed and bound Touya was glaring murderously at her from the back of the cockpit, his normally cold brown eyes flaring amber with frustration and fury.

"Whatever." Touya answered coolly. He still wondered, sometimes, how the hell he had gotten partnered up to this raven-haired psycho bitch…and he still wondered how the heck he had been talked into the idea of trying to "stop" his little sister's flight by intimidating her with physical trauma. Oh that's right, he hadn't had a choice! Just like he hadn't had a choice when Meilin had decided to filch her father's credit card and lease this multi-billion dollar plane (luckily, her side of the family was filthy rich…) and go after his sister and her soon to be deceased husband! Right, he remembered…when he had objected, _that was_ when Meilin had knocked him out cold and well, here he was! 

There were times when the workings of his own mind never ceased to amaze himself. 

Touya gritted his teeth again as another one of Meilin's shrill laughs of delight grated on his already strained nerves and resisted the urge to pound his head against the control panel…or throw her out the emergency airlock. Whichever came first. He risked a peek out the window then wished he hadn't as his beloved imouto-chan barely ducked away from an Acme anvil. 

Swiveling to give Meilin an evil eye, he hissed, "What the heck will this accomplish again??"

Meilin smirked and said nothing as she turned her head back to the entertaining scene before her and Touya bit off a curse. _Okay, think think…how the hell did I get talked into this…oh yeah. Meilin had promised not to _"hurt" _Sakura, was that right? They were just working together to "scare them off" this marriage thing. Apparently, she had just been using that excuse to kidnap me and send us both on a mad spree across the world in which we would be hosing down random people in the middle of Panama!!_

Touya could barely keep from frothing as he struggled ineffectually against his rather tight bonds. The original object was to _split_ the couple up, not to _kill them!! _Or rather, not to kill Sakura…killing Syaoran was perfectly acceptable in his book.

For the first few months, he had been caught up in the fervor of righteous indignation over Syaoran's behavior with his sister and hadn't even noticed when Meilin had been encouraging him to do more and more dangerous things…as in, dangerous to everyone in the surrounding ten mile radius. It was after the running of the bulls incident in which they had probably mowed down half of Spain, that he realized that he was dealing with a madwoman here and not just the usual jilted lover type persona and _that_ was when he had insisted on calling the whole deal off.

As everyone involved could tell, she hadn't taken the suggestion very well. 

It was stowed in the back of Meilin's baggage that Touya had finally realized, rather belatedly, that if Sakura _had_ indeed been pregnant when he had confronted her five months ago, she should have been _showing_ by now. Instead, her stomach was still completely flat which meant that he _might_ have been hasty in forcing them to the altar with a shotgun (he still was kind of disbelieving of that since he really couldn't remember doing that…) and this whole thing just might, _maybe_ was, his fault.

Okay, let's be truthful. This incident was _entirely_ his fault and yes, he had probably forced the minister at St. Justine's to do exactly what Sakura and Yuki had accused him of doing.

__

Oh Lord, I've set a nutcase loose in the world, Touya thought grimly. _I swear, I'll never touch the Internet or another glass of sake ever again…right now, I think I'll start doing penitence and praying for Sakura's safety. Wait a minute…I'm agnostic. Goddamnit!!_

After a few more huge _KABOOMs_ that rocked the ground beneath them, Meilin finally gave a disappointed sigh and muttered plaintively, "They got away…_now _what are we going to do, Touya?"

__

We, you psycho?!?! Not likely!! Touya screamed mentally but he merely raised a brow and suggested, somewhat calmly, "Set the plane down?"

***

__

I can't believe this…

Sakura shivered miserably, peering out at the rain-drenched world through a thick pane of glass. It had been months already, and big brother and the so-called feminine exorcist were still hot on their trail. It hadn't mattered where they had gone, what continent they had traveled over, those two had been _there_, intercepting Syaoran and herself at every turn with frightening accuracy.

In London, where Eriol had cheerfully allowed them use of his townhouse, they had finally thought themselves safe. After all, this was _Eriol's _house, the reincarnation of Clow Reed, former master of the Clow Cards! Meilin wouldn't _dare_ scandalize the city with her skin-tight leather and whip deal much less sully Eriol's household with her private war against them. Her family would be furious and humiliated at a daughter that acted thusly, and for all that she was evil incarnate, Meilin was a good, obedient daughter and would finally retire gracefully from the chase…

Or so they thought. 

__

That idea underwent major revisions when Meilin had tossed a couple of smoke-bombs down the chimney, cackling with unholy glee as the entire household stumbled out of the building, half-blinded by the fumes. And it only got worse. Apparently unsatisfied with her level of destruction, she had gone after Sakura with a double-edged glaive as Touya appeared from a black Cadillac, trusty shotgun at his side. 

They had had to flee after that; without a word to Eriol (although she did later write a note explaining and apologizing). Sakura had taken to the air, dragging Syaoran onto the staff as she used the Fly card to escape the wrath of Meilin. Tomoyo had insisted on staying to help out poor Eriol with the cackling banshee so with a wish of luck guiding the way, they had flown off into the fairytale sunset as fast as they could. Unfortunately, as they were making their getaway, one of Touya's bullets had singed the poor card's left wing, causing it to careen wildly from one side to the other in a drunken dance across the sky. A few miles away, the poor thing became very distressed and had reverted to card form several hundred feet above the ground. It had been a very bad shock. 

And a _very_ bad fall.

In Hong Kong, Meilin had enlisted the help of Syaoran's indignant ex-future in-laws, aka her parents, who were disgruntled at suddenly being cut off from the marital contract without a by your leave. Syaoran and she had left under a hail of eating utensils, pots, pans, anything that Meilin's family could hurl at them. Sakura wasn't sure, but probably the janitors and street-cleaners had yet to scrape the streets clean of rotting food and vegetables.

It hadn't ended there. In Spain? The running of the bulls…well…She quickly turned her mind from that unsavory memory, wincing to herself. Suffice to say, it had not been pretty. Folding her arms around herself, Sakura sighed, a little dejectedly. This prolonged honeymoon around the world was not how she had first envisioned it. She had thought it might be in way of a cruise or a leisurely jaunt around Europe, laughing and sightseeing _alone_ with her new husband. Instead, she found herself stuck in a sleazy little hotel that had a leak in the bedroom, in the middle of Panama, not to mention the fact that her trackers had not yet tired of this kill-the-couple game. Or actually, knowing Touya, he was finally getting it through his thick skull that she was _not_ pregnant and he was being a total idiot. The question was, what he was doing to stop Meilin and the answer was, that whatever he was trying to do...it wasn't working

She was so lost in thought that she barely felt Syaoran's presence as he came into the room until a warm hand pressed against her cheek and she tried to smile as she looked up into his warm, brown eyes. 

"Hey," she said. She struggled to look cheerful for his sake, but probably, from the look on his face, she was failing miserably. Hunching her shoulders a little forlornly, she stared back out at the rain as it slammed against the window, shaking the panes with maddening vengeance. "I want to go home." She said sadly, and covered Syaoran's hand with her own. "I want to see dad again…even my jerk of a brother, Touya. And who's gonna take care of Kero if I'm not home? He's probably trashing my room right now…" 

(which was exactly what was happening…)

"Sakura, how could you??? {crash} Oh man…I'm _starving_, I want cake, I want chocolate…I'll settle for a stale bowl of rice!" Kero curled up on Sakura's bed peevishly, surveying the amount of damage that he had done to the once neat room. "Man…couldn't you have taken me with you?" He sighed pitifully and listened to the sound of his stomach growl in the suddenly silent room. "When are you coming home…?"

(end of alternate time event…)

Sakura sniffled slightly and leaned back into Syaoran's comforting embrace, burrowing her face into his shoulder. She inhaled deeply, dragging his unmistakable vanilla scent within her and rubbed her cheek against the sleeve of his cambric shirt. "Do you ever think we'll get to go home without someone trying to kill us? Like my psycho brother and your crazy ex-fiancée?"

Her voice was muffled and Syaoran hugged her, rubbing her back in a soothing, circular motion. "Yeah, I'm sure we will. I mean, I bet Eriol's already complaining about Touya and Meilin as it is." When she made no response to his overtures, Syaoran asked hesitantly, "Sakura…do you ever regret…I mean-"

"No!" She raised her head so quickly that she knocked it against Syaoran's chin, causing the boy's eyes to cross. Sakura stood up and turned, hugging him to her more fiercely, "I mean, I regret some stuff…like never getting to know my mom before she died. And doing stupid things like going to Hong Kong to try to explain it to Meilin's parents in the first place. I mean, I should have known that Meilin got the insanity gene _somewhere_ in her family and her parents should have been the prime suspects. But I never, _ever_ regret starting this whole thing in the first place." Despite everything, she smiled, tears sparkling in her emerald eyes. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and even in this miserable little hole in the middle of no where, I still think I'd do it all over again."

"Sakura…"

"Well isn't _this _a touching little scene!" Suddenly, the door slammed open revealing Meilin…dressed in her usual orange sweatshirt and jeans? What happened to her S&M costume?

At their wide-eyed stares, she gave an irritated shrug and explained grudgingly, "I couldn't help it. I mean one night, okay. But _hello…_I've been tracking you across four continents for like, a few _months_. Do you know how many times I was stopped in California for indecent exposure? I mean, _please. _You'd think the police have never seen a semi-naked woman with a _great_ body before." She paused. "And besides, the leather and chains outfit was cutting off the circulation to my body." She sniffed once, pouting a little.

Sakura edged towards Syaoran, muttering under her breath, "Well great, she finally got circulation to her body back…could she please get it to her brain?" Luckily, Meilin didn't hear that little remark so she didn't go into full exorcist battle-rage all at once. 

Swinging her narrowed, cat-like gaze on Sakura, she propped both hands on her hips, demanding, "Okay, I don't know _what_ the heck this lovey-dovey stuff is and frankly, I don't care. I mean, how long are you gonna be hexing him or whatever you're doing, you voodoo witch? I want my Syaoran back and I'm tired of having to make pit stops all over the stupid world to do it!"

Now that she was back in normal wear as opposed to in her black, leather bunny suit, Meilin wasn't nearly as intimidating as before…and Sakura wasn't half as afraid. Green eyes flashing angrily, Sakura stormed back, "We-ell, excuse _me_ for interrupting on your deluded fantasies, Meilin. I mean, when is going to get in your head that Syaoran _wanted_ to marry me and I _wanted_ to marry Syaoran and that we are _happy_?! Happy!" Sakura paused for a breath, then scowled even more darkly, "Or should I say we _would_ have been more happy if you would just _leave us alone_, Meilin!"

"Oh, I don't think so, Sakura. You see, I called dibs on him first, and I thought we had established early on in this little card capturing relationship that Syaoran is _mine._" Meilin smirked, tossing her tumbling sable locks over her shoulder."I don't care if you both _are _Cardcaptors; as soon as we get this little situation straightened out, we're going to Hong Kong for a divorce and a wedding, namely, _your_ divorce, and _my_ wedding, got that, honey? If you're lucky, I'll even let you have the alimony!" 

Tired of listening to them arguing over him like a side of beef, Syaoran ran between the two glaring women. Mustering what "authority" his male ego could summon, he said coldly, "All right, Meilin, Sakura. That's enough. We're all adult and mature here and we'll settle this like adults." 

Instantaneously, two pairs of feline eyes pierced holes through his head, shriveling his will as easily as a kitten shreds her scratching post and he suddenly realized that he was standing in the middle of a cat fight. A fight between two very _angry_ cats that were both spitting mad and looked eager to jump at the first opportunity to start tearing at each other's hair. 

"_What_ exactly do you have in mind, Syaoran?" Meilin purred. She narrowed her brown eyes and toyed lazily with the ends of her long, black tresses. "Do you finally admit defeat and want to come home with me?"

"Yeah, Syaoran." Sakura turned cloudy gray-green eyes on him, crossing her arms in front of her. "Tell us. What's do _you_ plan on doing?"

"Err…I mean, I'll…I'll just…let you two handle this…"

Suppressing the urge to crawl under a table and outwait the storm, Syaoran slunk away to a corner of the room like a puppy with his tail tucked between his legs. _Okay, just yell 'heel' and call me whipped._ Syaoran thought privately_, but there is no way in hell that I'm getting in the middle of _that__. For a moment, he wondered wildly when his sweet, cheerful, slightly-afraid-of-Meilin, Sakura had gone to be replaced with this furious shrew, but then again, he knew the makings of a Sakura Storm when he saw one.

It had already been building and festering for all the months that they had been country hopping really. He had seen it in the way she had talked darkly about Meilin's meddling more and more frequently as her seemingly limitless patience wore thin. Every time they had had to take of for a different hiding place, Sakura grew pensive, thinking a little more and fidgeting with her necklace/key just a little too often and wearing a smile that was just a little too grim. Little by little, the anger grew and couldn't be silenced by her innately good nature until…well…

Syaoran looked at Sakura's flushed face and shuddered. She was through running and Meilin was through chasing. They were going to settle this right now, right here and to hell with traditional challenges and being nice. 

"Uhh…" Stalling frantically for time, Syaoran asked quickly, "Hey Meilin, where's Touya?"

Meiilin turned a little and gave Syaoran a little smile before cooing, "Touya? You mean your soon-to-be-ex-wife's prick brother? He's somewhere in the city looking for you. Don't worry, I won't let him hurt you." Her gaze swung back to Sakura and her voice got noticeably more menacingly, "This is between me and the home-wrecker."

Sakura laughed briefly, holding out her hand and the air about her began to twist into the glowing mandala shape of her summoning spell. Obediently, the staff stretched and elongated itself to fit her hand and she snapped it down in one hard gesture. "Home-wrecker? Meilin, you're a marriage breaker; I haven't been married half a year and you're already ruining what was supposed to be our happily ever after. I'm not going to stand for it anymore. You want Syaoran, you're gonna have to get past _me_ to get to him!"

Syaoran swallowed hard and started nervously for the window, hoping to catch the eye of some sympathetic pedestrian who would call the cops or something. However, when he peered out of the window, he saw Touya stomping down the street, a death glare painted across his face. Muttering a choice curse on Touya's sexual relationship that was probably anatomically impossible, he dove back under the window, waiting for his brother-in-law to pass by. Unfortunately, the bright flashing lights of Sakura's spells as well as Meilin's distinctive cackling were too conspicuous, and above his head, Syaoran saw Touya peer into the window, garble out a loud "F***ing S**t" and run towards the entrance to the hotel.

"Hmm…" A smile spread across Meilin's wide lips as her whip appeared in one hand and a couple of grenades appeared in the other, "That's an irresistible challenge, Sakura. But don't think I'll take it easy on you...just because you're weak. Let's get this party started!" Suddenly she lunged at Sakura who simultaneously pulled out two cards from her backpack, giving them a twirl for good measure.

"Shield!" She commanded, and the cards dissolved, spraying a silvery pink cloud around her. Her chosen guardians loomed over her protectively before Shield flickered ahead, expertly blocking the whiplashes as a glowing bubble formed around Sakura. Meilin hissed angrily, but Sakura just smiled back. Her lips moved silently and she held her staff out again. Once more, the staff changed, forming a hard metal tip and a sleek, sharp edge. Four fifths of the way down, a hilt and knuckle-guard sprouted from the pole, encircling Sakura's hand to ensure her a better hold on her new weapon.

"Sword card." Meilin muttered. Her eyes flashed like molten lava before she twisted her whip around, coiling it around her forearm and tucking it back into her belt. _Well, this isn't going to help…she'll just slice it into little itty bitty bits. _"Sooooo…" Meilin smiled brightly, and yanked a pin from one of the grenades with an evil chuckle. "Upsy daisy!"

She tossed one of the green spheres into the air, launching it in Sakura's general direction. Sakura glowered and held her ground. As soon as the grenade was in striking distance, she sprang up and swung her sword hard, the flat of the blade connecting with the explosive projectile with a loud _thwack_. The force of her swing sent it careening towards the door…

Just as Touya ran in. "Sakura!! I'm here to save-"

"Touya! Watch out!!!"

But it was too late. The grenade clobbered him on the head, causing Sakura's older brother to spin around slightly, a dazed expression on his face. Then, as if that wasn't enough, the high explosive detonated gleefully right in front of his face, blanketing the room in thick, greasy smoke. Sakura started coughing immediately, trying to duck beneath the layer of gray to make her way towards the door, but her eyes watered profusely.

"Oniissan!" She choked out, but apparently, Touya had either fainted or was unconscious because he didn't respond at all. She groped painfully for a card, her fingers stumbling over the golden edges until she found the right one. "Windy, clear the smoke from the room so that we can see!" Sakura threw the card in the air and gave it a sharp tap with her wand. Immediately, she could breathe again, Windy's cool, fresh breeze encircling her lovingly like a concerned mother before racing to the four corners of the room to dispel the clogging smoke. 

She gasped, wiping her eyes on her sleeves and started to get up when Meilin's loud "HOHOHOHOHO!" reached her ears, causing her to look around blindly. Meilin was standing (or actually, balancing precariously) on the spire of a church cathedral a street down, carrying a harried looking Syaoran under one arm. She was smirking triumphantly as the wind whistled through her black hair, and ruffled at her shirt…

And she was probably going to lose her balance the longer she stood up there like that.

"Stop it!" Sakura shrieked. The wind was rocking Meilin dangerously where she stood and Sakura wished desperately yet again that Fly was healed enough to go after Meilin.

"What, worried?" Meilin taunted, "I didn't know you cared…"

"Of course I do…You're hurting Syaoran!!"

Meilin scowled, hefting her prisoner more tightly against her. "That's a risk I'm willing to take!" Meilin called back, making Sakura dance in frustration.

"Damned if I'll take that chance…Meilin, you let go of Syaoran right now!!" Sakura yelled, running to the front of the hotel. She barely noticed the building was lacking two of its four sides and the remainder of the insides were burning sullenly or completely charred into black ash and the poor owner of the now decimated building was staring at Sakura with a huge sweatdrop roiling from his forehead. 

"Not a chance!" Meilin shot back, "I'll be seeing you [whoa…] around, Saku- [hey, stop squirming] -ra!" Her perfect exit was somewhat spoiled by the fact that she was teetering to and fro on the bell tower, flapping her hands ineffectually all the while trying to hang on to a struggling Syaoran. Finally abandoning her attempt to pose impressively, Meilin scowled and hefting her prisoner over her shoulder, took a flying leap and began jumping from roof to roof to make her escape, cackling all the way.

Sakura began to run after them, but a groan of pain stopped her and she turned to scowl at Touya's inert form, torn between going after the love of her life and _saving_ the life of her well-meaning but generally annoying and meddling brother. He moaned again, a little more piteously and this time, she saw that he was bleeding profusely from a blacked burn mark on the left side of his face where the grenade had exploded.

With a sigh, she grabbed Touya's collar and dragged him out the door, stopping only to ask the still-stunned hotel manager, "Where's the nearest hospital?" When he looked blankly at her, she sighed and pointed at Touya. "He needs help," She enunciated, wishing she could speak Spanish, but the man eventually got her meaning and pointed down the road where a somewhat rundown building dominated the clearance. "Thanks." She paused, then said a little less gruffly, "Sorry for…" She waved in the building's general direction and winced as he turned a long, mournful face to her.

"I'm _really_ sorry," Sakura added unhappily, "I'll come back and help repair it later, ok?" 

The man nodded, plainly unbelievingly; he seemed to be afraid of the temper tantrum as well as the mysterious winds and explosions that Sakura could summon at will. Feeling a whole lot guiltier than before, as well as a lot angrier at Meilin and her stupid antics, she continued down the dusty road, muttering under her breath. Behind her, Touya's head and shoulders were probably feeling every bump in the road as she dragged him along, and she frowned.

__

I hope you're feeling every bit of that, Touya. She thought a bit vengefully, _and when you wake up, you better tell me _everything_ that happened…as well as where I can find Meilin and especially Syaoran. Or else…_

As if Touya knew she was talking about him, he roused enough to groan under his breath before subsiding into silence again. Sakura merely glowered unsympathetically at him.

"You brought this upon yourself." She told him, "You never know when to mind your own business!" He didn't say anything and she realized how she must look, talking to herself. She sighed again and continued down the street in a much worse mood.

__

It's days like these…that I wish I had never gotten out of bed.

AN: I luv all of u guyz!! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing and keeping on supporting me…(Yes, I know…the grammar is atrocious) You guyz are the best…gomen for keeping you waiting for this chapter! ^_^;; I had major brain block going on…still do as a matter of fact…^_~ 

Shouts go out to:

**Youjibaricuda**: I love you darling!! Thank you for strangling me until I got the next chapter out!!! And where is the next part of that CCS FIC!??? HELLO????!! I've been waiting for more than half a year!!! 

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Koyuki Aode: YOUR WEISS FIC RULEZ CLARE-CHAN!!! ^_^ And just opinion-wise, that Nagi-molesting jackass must die!! . Poor Schu…having to creep around in _his_ mind…

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Leeko-chan (aka **Caliko**): Oi ma…I love your last chapter!! I can't believe The Box series is over…after all that time you grow up with Esme and go through the insanity of having five gundam pilots as various parental figures (aka father/uncles) as well as necking on the beach with Rob…*sniffles* I LOVE THE ENDING!!!!

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Tony: Ohayo, Fearful leader!! If you haven't figured it out, dear…Syaoran's whipped-ness is modeled after thee…^_^ It's okay, I'm not making a statement on your male authority and ego…just your lack of one….(jk) ur still cool in my eyes, even if I never will say it. [what what?? *looks around indignantly* I didn't write that!! I deny everything!!]

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Yebisu Beer: Your pervertedness never ceases to amaze me, tamodachi…it's…an inherent gift you have. Or is it just an inherent gift for all teenage boys going through puberty? Well, n'wayz, danke! My stories wouldn't be the same without your…unique…touch. Too bad you don't have time to write the omake, but whenever you have time, okay? Also, her name is AS-KA!! You don't pronounce the "U", baka!! AS-KA!! What kind of EVA fan are you anyway???!! 

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Aila: Lol…you're right…green tea is healthier and it tastes yummy! Thanks for the suggestion, I actually took it…and it gives me the same high to write off of!! ^_^ M'still as insane as ever…caffeine DOES do strange things to me…

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Kenhime: On the off-chance you're reading this, you're the coolest god-sister I could ever hope for…^_~ Tee hee…upload the fic, onegai?? It's good enough already!!

To all other reviewers, writers, and readers past and present, you guyz rock and seriously, you keep writing/reading ALWAYS interesting! And undoubtedly S+S RULEZ in the Cardcaptor fandom!!


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